prayers of an atheist.

i am not religious
but some days I wish I were,
somedays I see it in myself
to kneel at a prayer house every weekend
to read and listen to a million verses of the same book
wishing, pleading, praying
that someone or something could just tell me
how to think, what to feel,
what I must and mustn't do
somedays I think I could try, atleast a little
to swallow the existence of the men behind the marbles
to study all the scriptures and attend all the masses
and believe it all to be true
if i could feel just a little less small and a little less lost
in this universe so big, so vast, so old
for the older I grow, the more I'm aware
of how little I know
and every choice weighs on my chest a little heavier than the one right before
what soap should I buy?
what clothes must I wear?
who should I trust, and who must I leave instead?
what roads do I take, which bridges do I cross,
and which ones do I set on fire?
I'm so tired of making these choices
I'm so tired of always being wrong
I'm so tired of dealing with the consequences of actions I wish I didn't take
and I'm tired of waking up to live the same life another day
I'm not religious
but some days I'm desperate,
some days I'm begging to be shown a way.