near death.

I almost died today.
the door swung open and I flew off the moving car
I watched the wheels run, oh how they kept going
as I lay there against the cruel tar;
time slowing down- cinematic, I wondered
if this is how it would play out in an action movie
I wondered if Ethan Hunt would be proud of me
how strange, the things we think about as we
teeter on the edge of death
it was dreamy, like a bokeh
dreamy, like a nightmare
like I wasn’t there
like the limbs I left behind on the road weren’t even mine
like the blood I coughed out onto the mud was borrowed once
and now finally they reunite.
I almost died today
and everyone else was more worried than I
maybe I’d forgotten how to perform the
appropriate levels of panic amidst the noise
maybe I said too much, maybe I was too quiet-
maybe I forgot I had a voice
but it all felt all so familiar
the snap of a leaf, the snap of a neck
the quiet of the screams and the quiet of the dead
I laughed on my way home and then cried when I finally got there
I almost died today
it’s no big deal
I’ve rehearsed these lines. they play out in my sleep.