remorse.

I knew how this poem would start
but I have no idea how it will end
my story is full of these dilemmas
these conflicts
but the plot hardly ever descends
there are no resolutions
no conclusions
no
happily
ever
afters
just lies and pretences
as though
none of my problems were even here to begin with
this story
isn't a wave with ups and downs
it's more of a line that promises to run forever
until
it
stops,
and it does that often
only to form an
embarrassing set of
dashes
and
dots.
my story is written Morse
a tale of pure remorse
one of a coward too afraid to fall
and too ashamed
to narrate the tales of the pits
he might have had spent forever in
if he chose to stay.
this is a story where I
frantically try
to hit reset every single time
and still have the audacity to be terrified
when things start to change
this is a story where I lose years
to battles I was scared to let myself finish
(because I didn't believe I had it in me to win them)
this is a story where I build fortresses with the people I love
only to run away when they start to rattle
this is a story where I lose myself
little
by
little
this is the story of a selfish fool
but this
is also the story of a victim
and when it all starts to break
the clock resets to another day
these lines turn into curves and
I'm
dragged
away
at the start of a different circle
I'm stuck with the same old cycles
over
and
over
again.
this is a story where I've been
rewriting goodbyes, decorating regrets.
because I always know how my stories start
but I'm also forced to prepare for when they'll-